A Decade Already? 2008!

In 2008 I was transitioning to the whole 'adult' thing... well, sort of. I dropped out of the social radar. I didn't have much of an interest in socializing, I really wanted to hide in my room whenever I could. I did make appearances to a few birthday events that friends had, but that was it.

What really impacted this was being reacquainted with someone from high school via facebook. I have no idea how they found me, but they did. They inquired about what I've done since high school. My answers offended them. They said that. "It makes me angry and I'm offended." I re-read those messages various times to see if I said something offensive, if I worded something that could come off as offensive... it just really got to me. Finally, I asked a couple who have opinions that I respect. Each time I heard, "well, that is what you did, you told the truth." Then I said, "it was via 'email' so you can lose a lot of translation that way.. there's no tone!" Finally, I sent an email saying that I didn't mean to offend them and I had answered their question honestly. Finally, they told me that they shouldn't have said that and had apologized. They had explained that they couldn't believe I had done those things and they don't know anyone who has done such things- graduated from high school without kids, finished college, traveled the world, developped a relationship with God, and etc. They finished high school and had another kid shortly after... they didn't get to do the things I got to do because of their decisions. From my understanding, the timing of our correspondence wasn't too great either. (obviously).
That experience made me think about the way I explain what I've done since high school to other who ask (and trust me, there were a lot of others as I started using public transportation again). I haven't had an experience like that since, but it really impacted my way of communicating that.

My great grandmother had started going down hill a bit. This also played into me dropping off the social radar. I started helping my madre take care of her full time: weekends, spending nights, etc. My great grandmother couldn't get around without someone and needed someone there to help with basic things. It was hard for her to start allowing my madre and I to do so, but she eventually came to terms with the reality.

We had some really great moments though:

She loved watching the Travel Channel and then retelling HER version of the history during that time period, or when she visited that historical site, when she took a cruise here or there, and etc. That was always hysterical because there would be some key point that just seemed off, but none the less true.

She started learning how people depended on computers. She thought my blackberry was amazing and always asked about my ipod (and my madre's) as if it were a person, "how's your pod doing?" She learned about business and liked keeping me informed about Apple vs. PC stocks and etc. I'm an Apple girl and she liked my laptop more than my madre's, so she kept me updated.

She liked hearing stories and pictures I had of friends who have kids. She always wanted someone with a dog to visit. I would wheel her around in the wheelchair on nice days and she'd comment on how I shouldn't have to do such manual labor, we should know a man so he could push her around. She had a crush on Anderson Cooper... I always encouraged her to write him a letter, but she never did.

I was always lectured about making sure I teach, because they have great pensions for when you retire. Sadly to say, I currently put that idea on the back burner.

I also started enjoying hanging out at the retirement home and hearing stories from the other residents about their lives. Whenever I did have a free day, I spent it at the Ritz seeing movies and taking very long walks throughout the city. It was a nice change to the normal routine, even if that became a routine for having a free day.

I spent my birthday at a Frida Khalo exposition and ate Greek food. I also had my right foot in a boot, because I had fractured a teeny tiny bone that created a lot of pain. I felt so stupid, but it turns out that anyone can do it walking along the street.


Between all of these lovely moments my brother still continued to create drama, despite not living with me anymore. He had communication issues with everyone he knows and continued his involvement with alcholism and drug use. It's sad, but true.

This wasn't an exciting year for me, it was a year of busy-ness with family, life, and trying to maintain sanity!

LOOK AT MY NEW HEADER!

it was made by the ever so lovely Lyndsay Meager Sann !!!!

A Decade Already? 2007!

In 2007 I wrote the most important thing I ever wrote in my life. I wrote my thesis in record time. It was the longest thesis received in the Modern Language Department in English and French.

Amidst all of this I had attended parties with people I hadn't seen in ages, it was really nice to be reacquainted and reminded of my maturity. I made some new friends that I didn't expect to make... and met people who taught me how to address my frustration in a healthier way.

I started dating a guy between all of this and it was a nice relationship until I graduated. It became aware that our maturity levels were way off and I wasn't in the place in life for a relationship. Plus, I was going through a time where I was discovering my tolerance levels in certain areas of life & how to handle these things. My brother was still doing drugs and really making life at home difficult for a lot of people. I was job searching & trying to come to terms with student loan bills (eek).

2007 proved to be one of the most productive years of my life:

I started working at a university. During this time, I kept thinking, "why aren't I working here... or there... or why didn't I finish that Peace Corps application that I started?" It was really hard for me to come to terms with where I was in my life. I finally just caved in and said, "It's not so much for me decide and be so picky when You really know whats best." This was the first time in my walk as a Christian to truly submit myself and hand things over. This gave me confidence in many more areas of my life. I rededicated my life to being more God centered, because I was becoming my worst emotional enemy. and that was no bueno.

A Decade Already? 2006!

2006 was a blur.

I got to meet the 'man of my dreams' who could make me 'zee appiest girl in zee world'. (the H is missing on purpose). He wasn't the man of my dreams. He provided me with great moments to retell to my friends, which ended in sore guts from laughing SO HARD. He had not only left a lasting impression on my life, but some of my friends as well.

I took my painful geology course and packed my bags for leave for France.

I toured all of Normandy and had the most beautiful vacations in Deauville and Honfleur. Those places hold special places in my heart. I traveled throughout the south of France as well and fell in love! I fell in love with Moroccan food... and other foods I never imagined myself eating.

I had a shady trip to Brussels that lead us to always getting lost in the wrong part of time and being the only women unaccompanied in the evenings. We also learned that Brussels doesn't seem to have much of a night life... we were so spoiled by dancing the nights away and watching the sun rise over the Seine.

I went to Ireland and drank the freshest and most delicious Guinness.

I went to Glasgow and met Last Year's Girl and Jay Stringer. Jay told me all about Irn Bru and I've repeated that same information plenty of times to explain my love for a foreign soda. (I'm not much of a soda drinker.. or anything carbonated for that matter).

I went back to the homeland and just walked around.. no agenda. Just taking in everything Catalan.

My host family bought a pumpkin and wanted me to carve it for them... it was the first time I had ever carved a pumpkin! I tutored kids in English and taught the kids on my street how to play Monkey in the Middle. I also spent a lot of time studying in Starbucks because with six kids who play instruments, kick balls, and make sound effects of all kinds while playing with toys you kind of need to study at Starbucks. There was never a dull moment in the house, but sometimes the escape did me good.


I came back to America and was depressed. The depression didn't last too long, as I needed to dive into finishing my thesis!

I listened to a lot of different stuff Lucero, Marah, CSS, Damien Rice, Leigh Nash, Animal Collective, Badly Drawn Boy.. oh the list goes on!

A Decade Already? 2005!

In 2005 I worked my butt off & dated this guy who I had interest in solely for music and film tastes. That was by no means wise.

I was also asked out by a graduate student at my university who was significantly older than I. We got on well, but I needed to explain to him that I didn't want him to like me because of the fact that I still had many things I wanted to do in life & not have strings attached/a commitment that required me to rethink these actions. I also had to explain that I was leaving for France... I didn't want something to leave behind. I wanted to get to France unattached and free to communicate with people whenever I wanted to. He understood. He had no choice but to understand anyways.

I went to France. Mingled with the French. Traveled. Slept in hostels. Stayed out all night until the sun came up.

I ate Berthillon ice cream next to the Seine every Saturday. Took naps lying in front of Tour Eiffel and did my homework in a Starbucks in the 13th.

I listened to a lot of Sarah Harmer, Third Day, City on a Hill, Death Cab for Cutie, Camille, Raphaël, Fiona Apple, Jennifer Knapp, Nouvelle Vague, various French artists I heard on the radio in my host family's home & my host dad had a thing for American country music.

I read too much French and not enough books from Shakespeare & Co.

A Decade Already? 2004!

In 2004 I got a new college roommate. We were in a triple and hoping that it'll stay a double and they'll forget that last one decided to leave us. Well, we got a new roommate who clashed greatly. Next to our pretty pinks and lilacs we had bright orange... like the orange that hunters wear orange. Yeah, not so pretty.

She gave us the flu. My roommate and I had to go home, but the other one stayed the whole time she had the flu and didn't go ANYWHERE. It was awful.

I had one of the funnest Valentine's Day this year too. A good friend of mine was dumped by his girlfriend so he came over, along with a few other friends, and we ate ALL of the chocolates he bought for her. I believe this was the largest amount of chocolate I've had in one sitting.

I learned how to let go of friends. I realized that you can't be so emotionally involved with friends. It was hard, but it's what I had learned.


I went to London for 10 days and had the time of my life. I escaped to France and the Homeland and never wanted to return to college. I was okay with being a college drop out at that point. I figured, if anything, the decision would be justified for my passion of language, culture, and food.

My hallway (plus some others) played a game called Assassin and I nearly won! I was out for the evening celebrating my birthday at a concert & I came back to an anonymous note tucked under my door stating who my attacker will be and that I needed to be ready. I had my squirt gun ready, but I was shot because I was too busy laughing and goofing off in the hallway. darnit.


I worked all summer, knowing that I'd spend a good chunk of time in France. But also to help pay towards items at home. I helped my mom get by, because my dad didn't really help out much or believe that we needed the help. It was hard, but we managed.

I started to retake French courses that fall... I had realized that psychology and I were not getting along and it wasn't meant to be. I also started commuting to school instead of living on campus. It was a long commute, but worth while because I wanted France and other international travels SO BADLY!

This was also the year that my nanny had decided she would move back 'home' (western PA) and be with her family. It had caused some tension because she wasn't receiving the attention she wanted from my mom, brother, and I.

This was the year my brother started to dabble into drugs.

In October of this year I went to go see Mirah with High School Sweetheart and it was hilarious. Hilarious because there were some hardcore feminists in the crowd, other bands playing exuded that, and he was one of a very very very very small handful of males in that crowd. His reaction to realizing that was priceless.

I don't remember many key moments of this year. It wasn't a rough year, but it was challenging in various ways. I started learning more about myself after a year in college. I learned more about friends who I had... friends who I was letting go... and who I wanted to be friends with. (little did I know that I would be going through this again).

I listened to a lot of Mirah, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!, Elliot Smith, Ryan Adams, the Doves, Ok Go, Sleater Kinney, Death Cab for Cutie, more Interpol, Arcade Fire,and the Postal Service.

I read The Lovely Bones, The Sexual Life of Catherine M., and any French literature I could get my hands on. It was a great escape from my horrible psychology reading.

A Decade Already? Year 2003

2003:

In 2003 I was continuing my "senioritis" stint my senior year of high school. Over the past year I had become close with this one girl I had classes with. We became inseparable and taught one another some good lessons about life. I started skipping school and hanging out downtown in various Starbucks, listening to my discman (it was a Sony discman, I still have it), writing, and reading all sorts of literature I got my hands on. My hair was short & messy & I loved it!
Because of missing so much school, the school district wanted to take me to truancy court. I said they couldn't because I have straight A's, except for my math class. They checked out that statement, and sure enough they couldn't take me to truancy court.

I distinctly remember my AP English teacher from my senior year of high school. A lot of her stories, statements, and thoughts on life have stuck with me to this day. She made quite the impression. (She also told me I had the prettiest prom dress she's ever seen!)

I learned how to read tea leaves, my French teacher taught me.

I went to my prom with this kid that I liked at the time, I was deathly afraid he was going to show up at my house wearing a tux top with shorts and have his skateboard with him. Luckily, that didn't happen. My prom was okay.

I went to my high school boyfriend's prom and that was awesome. We looked so cute in my black and white dress & his baby blue vintage tux. haha! My nanny couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the picture, she thought I was lying when I told her what he wore. This night goes on my list of Funnest Nights in Life (so far). High School Boyfriend doesn't dance, he tried and it was lost of fun.

I graduated high school high on codeine because I had a strand of mono that knocked me out for a couple of weeks. While watching Brazilian t.v. a friend noticed these crazy lumps on my neck and I rushed home, freaked out, and we made a dr's appointment that told me I had a "unique strand of mono, but nothing that codeine and other meds can't fix!"

That summer I dyed my hair deep red & worked a lot. Although, I did take part in a 4th of July party that could have been taken right out of a movie. We strategically planned EVERYTHING... the mess, the clean up, everything... but then the parents came home and saw EVERYTHING. They then offered to make us all breakfast (we stayed up all night) since they realized we had complete intentions to clean up after all our hard planning to making it look like the party never happened.

This was also the summer that my nanny said, "we need to fix your face." It wasn't okay that I had some spots here and there. She ordered Proactiv for me and I've been using it off and on since. I'll never forget the moment she said that. It was like time stopped (aside from being at the red light... I still remember the intersection, what I was wearing, and what car we were in).

I was accepted into a university... and had to part from my dear friend who I became attached to in high school. I wasn't so concerned about missing my madre or anything, because I didn't go to school far from home. My friend was going to school in another state. Unfortunately, this friendship didn't last long because there were numerous lies that she had told me, she betrayed me, and it had really hurt. It was my first time experiencing something like that and it taught me how to approach friendships from there on out. I also learned a lot about myself and how I handle/look/approach friendships with people.

I became reacquainted with a girl I met at one of the high schools I went to. We're still great friends and I wouldn't know what to do with her some times. She's someone who was put in my path and I in hers & we have a special bond. I also met other kids who I'd end up hanging out with for the next four years of university and even after! I just had no idea how many goofballs I'd become friends with. We played too many pranks on our RA- he should have hated our guts, but instead he loved us. I'd love to share some stories, but you'd be here all night reading.

My hall entered a male beauty pageant and we reenacted some boy band dance & was jipped for winning. We then made all sorts of obnoxious and loud comments in the dining hall about how we should have won.

I met the only roommate I can ever have/stand. Even though we are very different in personalities, we just clicked and have remained friends since (but only lived together for the one year). Her boyfriend at the time had become a good friend of mine (and still is) and had contributed to some good pranks.


I had a third roommate that fall semester who provided much entertainment without even realizing it. This is not to poke fun at her, but she really had no idea how entertaining she was. She ended up moving out because she didn't appreciate the window being open all the time and she didn't like living with '2 white chicks'.

November of 2003 was the first time I saw & spoke to my dad since 2001. It was when I was able to tell him that I forgive him for all the horrible things he's said and done to me. I forgave him for all the abuse that I had experienced. I also told him about how much hurt I felt, how unloved I was, and how no human being should ever have to go through that. There was a lot that I had shared with him, but that's all behind now.

There's so many more pivotal/funny moments that happened, I just never expected to still recall them with the same people 7 years later. We still laugh just as hard as when it happened too. They're my favourite immature people ever. hahahaha.

I listened to the Postal Service, the Doves, the Strokes, Mirah, Sondre Lerche, Marah, Guster, Rufus Wainwright, Interpol, Goldfrapp, etc.

A Decade already? Year 2001 & 2002

In 2001 I had my first real Valentine's Day (it's the only Valentine's Day I ever had a date)... it was really cute and lovely. Not much happened until about May-ish, because I went to a youth group conference one weekend, broke up with my boyfriend, and then got home to be told that we're moving again.

It was my fourth high school that I've attended and I remember asking my mom if I could graduate from whatever high school I attend because it would be nice to have people who know me to write college reference letters for me. I started attending an inner city public high school that required you to be prodded and poked, walk through metal detectors, take EVERYTHING out of any pocket you had, and put your bag through a scanning thing. There were rails set up for the lines of students coming in and scanning their IDs (which took attendance). This place was rough, but I survived. It was the best change that ever happened for me, actually. The things I learned from this change molded me and make me who I am today. I was exposed to things I never thought I'd be exposed to, but it's really helped with my people and communication skills.

I was the only white girl in most of my classes. At first I was thought to be deaf (there was a high population of deaf kids), Albanian (apparently being pale, brown hair, brown eyed was THE Albanian physical description... plus, another high population), or foreign of some sort and didn't know English. I was absorbing all the social change around me, because there was A LOT. Eventual it was realised I spoke English, really well, and shocked the class when it happened.

I had more pregnant classmates than non-pregnant classmates.

I only ate in the cafeteria for about a week... I then become BFF with my French teacher who let me eat lunch with him in his office. We formed a bond & he's one of the most interesting people I've ever met in my life. He appreciated me being a smart ass.

My mom forgot to pay the cable bill one month, so we went without tv for about a year. I had to watch Felicity and Gilmore Girls at my nanny's. I had impeccable grades and read more magazines and books that I could have imagined. I also bought lots and lots of c.d.'s. I started going to concerts in the basement of a church downtown where you shared sweat with strangers (there were no ceiling fans!).

I read: lots of books on feminism, more memoires (about American figures), and then started realising what types of books I hate (my AP English teacher had us read some awful books).

I listened to more Coldplay, the Strokes, more Fiona Apple, Mirah, the Moldy Peaches, Arab Strap, Belle & Sebastian, more Ben Folds, and Marah (who you could still run into on the street). I also dabbled into the whole "emo' stuff with Dashboard Confessional and Taking Back Sunday.

My therapy sessions ceased this year. I wrote a lot more too... I wrote so much my hands cramped.

I also had a crush on a boy who was so out of my reach because we belonged to complete different worlds. it was so stupid.

September 11th: I was in class when it took place. It was demanded over the PA system that we turn the tv's on and watch what was happening. I distinctly remember the sinking feeling in my chest and stomach when seeing what was happening. I remember thinking about all the kids who I went to school with in the suburbs who had parents that traveled their for work everyday... which then made me think that my dad goes to that exact area for work everyday. I then thought about how it's been nearly 2 years that I've seen or spoken to my dad. The city shut down for several days until everything was... better (?).

I later saw my dad that month for the first time... it was weird. I told him that the phone works two ways, however I'm the child and shouldn't have been expected to pick up the phone.


2002:

I started working at a Chuck E. Cheese this year. It was, by far, the funnest job I've ever had (I haven't had many jobs). I learned that you don't mess up birthday parties or make slight mistakes because the parents will curse you out! I learned my parenting skills at this job too (I'm currently not a parent). I got sweet tip money that allowed me to buy more c.d.s, books, and concert tickets.

I found out that I was thalesemic minor this year too. I gave blood and should have never given blood or passed their We Are Going To Prick Your Finger Tip Test. I passed out 5 hours after giving blood while holding a (then) close friend's hand while they gave blood. I woke up on the gym floor, was sick for 3 weeks following, and looked like I was in an abusive relationship because of the black and blue marks on the left side of my body from hitting the gym floor.

I attended more concerts with my (used to be) high school boyfriend. Specifically we saw The Strokes... as I had introduced him to them.

I still didn't bother dating anyone, I was too busy having fun hanging out by myself and occasionally hanging out with new friends I made at work.

I took my SAT's at a local Catholic high school and had a nun yell at me about how it wasn't correct to take tests while wearing mittens... I told her that she should turn the heat up then because it was freezing cold in the room.

I remember reading Perks of Being a Wallflower, Madame Bovary, some Colette, Camus, Gabriel García Márquez.

I listened to a lot of the same stuff, but developed a strong love for Shakira and other Spanish pop music. I started a French pop collection too. The Frida Soundtrack was popular... Damien Rice, Madeleine Peyroux, Whiskeytown, Ryan Adams, Jesse Malin, and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.

I had also joined LiveJournal and met Last Year's Girl. Who has become one of my closest and best friends.

A decade already? Year 2000.

So, apparently a decade has passed already? I can't believe it! But then again... it does feel like a decade has passed. There certainly has been enough events in my life that documents a decade (and maybe then some!). Two blogs (last year's girl & With eyes wide open...)that I actively read have documented their decade in one form of another and have jogged so much in my brain... I can't help but copy! I'll be following the format of With eyes wide open... : documenting by each year, sans photos (perhaps I'll add some later when I have the chance) and adding in the music I was listening to at the time.

So here we go!

To follow into the decade, I must give a background of 1999-

This was the year that my madre and I had moved away from my childhood home and left my dad. We had moved in with my nanny, who was used to living alone. This was an interesting experience. I entered a new school, made a few new friends, and had also continued my musical outcast status. I brought in the new year with my two closest friends at the time and introduced them to Philadelphia, as I had lived much closer to the city than they did. My madre was given a treadmill for Christmas that year, but you would have never thought it was her gift as it has become my best friend.

2000:

In the year 2000 I had shed all that baby weight that I had carried with me as a young teenager. I was 14 when the year started and understood what emotional eating was, as after we had moved my nanny would make breakfast, lunch, and dinner (she's an amazing cook- both desserts and meals, but hearty meals not so much like my ethnic meals). I never ate that much in a day until I moved in with her! All my after school activities ceased, and in the new school I wasn't so interested in them. I had realised that I had more emotional issues than I had thought- all in reference to my dad. It was horrendous. I started art therapy. I wrote so much in my books (that's plural, I wrote so much each day that I went through books like no other) and listened to the Dave Matthews Band. Because of the Dave Matthews Band I wasn't an angry teenager. Honest to God. Because of his music, I totally avoided that angry teenager phase and just wrote, read lots of books and spent a lot of time downloading music. I had also spent a lot of time on that treadmill my madre got for Christmas. It was located in our finished basement in front of the t.v. So I ceased watching my t.v. shows at night, taped them and watching them the next day when I got home from school while on the treadmill. I stopped drinking soda and learned what anxiety was because it kept me from sleeping, made me scared to eat because I couldn't keep food down, and made me absolutely sick. It then turned out that I wasn't only going to therapy due to my childhood issues that weren't brought to my attention until we left my dad but also to resolve things with my madre and my nanny. I was also consumed with how media proposed being beautiful, skinny, and wearing name brands. I only wore Abercrombie & Fitch and American Eagle. (at this point and time, their clothing was good quality and worth buying. not so much anymore). I still wear J.Crew.

This was a BIG year of change, adaptation, and self discovery.

We moved again. I changed schools again. I made some more new friends. These are friends I'm still in touch with 10 years later and some of those I hold so closely to my heart.

I started going to church this year and realised that it all the neglect and other negative things with my dad were nothing compared to the love I had discovered was waiting for me and was much better than anything else. I became a Christian and realised my life was much more than I could have imagined (and what I was imagining wasn't pretty).

I met a girl who I became good friends with and our friendship has been on/off throughout the years. This was mainly due to associating with very different people, being involved with a whole different crowd of kids, and having drastically different demeanors. Despite these differences, we were very close. I would go to her house everyday after school and them jump the fence in her backyard and cross the street to my house. Amazingly, I never ripped a pair of pants jumping that fence!

I also met my first boyfriend. We went to youth group together and held hands. I was this preppy chick and he was a skateboarding 'punk'. Oh my goodness, we looked so different! We didn't date very long, however we are still very good friends.

I lost over 50lbs. this year and became a stick.

I listened to Dave Matthews Band, Coldplay, Pavement, Sunny Day Real Estate, David Gray, Beck, Death Cab for Cutie, Ben Folds, Badly Drawn Boy, and Ryan Adams.

I read a lot of Jane Austen, J.D. Salinger, and memoires of Mexican historical figures. I was homesick of Spanish culture because we were without the figures who kept these constant in my home.

This was also the year that my Great Grandmother (my grandmother's mother) had passed and a woman who lived in my childhood neighborhood.

I turned 16 and had a big party. It was a slumber party which consisted of a bunch of characters, because I had (and still do) dabble in different crowds of people. It was quite the experience as I remember the mountain built out of soda cans and held together by some dip my nanny made. I believe it had stayed on the porch for about a week until my nanny took a to hose to knock it down... that was a hilarious moment to watch! She had no idea teenagers were capable of such creativity. (small fact: she didn't raise my mother, therefore she wasn't aware of teenagers and their bahaviour/capabilities).

I brought in 2001 at a friend's house who had friends over. I remember getting sick from the food and spending midnight face in the toilet.

This was a huge year for me. I went through such a mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual change. truly. Even though there were absolutely miserable parts for me throughout this year, they were experiences that had molded me into who I am today and how I treat people.

Holidays!

This is my favorite time of year, really! Because it starts to get colder and I can wear clothes more comfortably. My Mediterranean blood keeps me warmer than necessary and with all those layers (and I do love to layer!) I just get SO over heated when walking around in the freezing cold. It's hard to find a nice middle.

I also love that it's a time that everyone gets into a cheery mood and people are into sharing and giving. It also reminds me that it's a shame that people don't feel such moods all year round. I think that if they truly followed that spirit it'd make a huge shift in society. Alright, I'm not getting on a soap box here and preaching... I'll save it for another day.

I really love this time of year because of Christmas and Chanukah! I remember celebrating with Jewish friends of mine and being invited to share their festivities. (My family has Jewish heritage wayyyyy back, but I embrace it as it's a part of me and the blood that's been passed down). Then, Christmas growing up was fun until I was about 12 (I think it was that age). So, as I was invited to Temple throughout the year and celebrated most Jewish holidays with said friends, I would celebrate Christmas Eve with my paternal Grandmother's side of the family and Christmas day with my paternal Grandfather's family... and my mom's family was on the other side of the state so we shared phone calls.

This time of year reminds me of the great Christmas Eves that I had as a kid. I grew up with grandparents who were alcoholics and heavy smokers and the rest of the family was pretty much the same. If they didn't smoke, then they drank, and if they were regular smokers then they created memorable drinking experiences. Anyways-
There were tacos, burritos, chiles of all kinds, and lots of other Spanish/Mexican food that was handmade by my beautiful Great Grandmother (I hope that my hair grays like hers did). Some extremely dark haired man would dress as Santa, and you always knew which guy did it because of their body shape and voice; as well as having a huge pile of gifts that we all opened and adults argued over.
That was, traditionally, how it went.

This family is still rather dysfunctional, so there were some key moments in my childhood like:

• not being able to leave to attend the festivities until my Grandmom had fed the dog it's dinner at their regular dinner time.
• said Grandmother getting wasted and hoping my dad didn't leave without her (because she drove with us & my Grandfather drove by himself in his truck).
• crawling under tables to get to what you want (food, drink, gift).
• getting smushed between grown adults arguing and saying things they should say infront of children and hearing your madre scream, "DON'T TALK LIKE THAT INFRONT OF MY KIDS!"
• getting all dressed up.
• eating.
• eating a lot.
• watching everyone get along before all the alcohol set in.. then the arguments happened.
• being the only girl.

Actually, being the only girl did a lot for me. After this gathering we would go to my Grandmom's house and open up presents there. We would play WFMZ 100.7 because they played Christmas music and eat more food, make a mess, and clean up all over again. We would be there till 3-4 am. It was always such good times. I LOVED Christmas Eve.

Christmas Day we would sleep in, open up our gifts, get some time to play with them, and then we had to get ready to go to my other Great Grandparent's house. I hated Christmas Day. Seriously. We had to sit at their house for hours after we ate Christmas Dinner. I don't like ham, there was Christmas ham and some other stuff I didn't eat. I'd sit and alternate between listening to my walkman and reading a book for hours. My Great Grandmother had this shrill voice and she talked about all sorts of people, even people my parents didn't know and she just went on and on and on. The best part about leaving was that we left with a lot of tins of her homemade butter cookies.

(When I was in Munich for the Christmas Markets I stayed at a place that had an indoor market for a church. I was browsing and found a couple bags of these butter cookies that looks exactly like my Great Grandmothers!! I snatched all those up and, sure enough, they tasted exactly like them too! I smiled and shivered at the same time, but it was a familiar taste in a far away place).

On Thanksgiving Day my tía and I were reminiscing and she remembered two good stories:

After all the gifts were open we would just clean up by picking up handfuls of wrapping paper and putting everything in big garbage bags. Apparently, Aunt Connie's purse was under a good bit of wrapping paper and was thrown out! Of course, this was probably hours after the gifts were open and more booze were consumed. Everyone had to go through the garbage bags and look for her purse.

As recounted by my tía: "I remember this clearly because I was wearing this dress that I absolutely hated... your dad and I were in the backseat of the car and mom was really drunk and needed help getting to and into the car. Well, she didn't close her door the whole way because one turn we took she nearly fell out of the car and my dad reached over to pull her back into the car [insert lots of giggles]. He must have really had to pull her because I remember he was complaining about his arm and shoulder hurting the next day."

As unfortunate as some of these memories are, they are vivd in my mind and I sometimes miss the concept of family gathering. I could do without the heavy smoke and alcohol and bickering, but I miss family gatherings. Often I catch myself laughing hard about some of these gatherings, because the arguments were so ridiculous and unnecessary... why would adults waste their time? Most of these people, except for my tía, are long gone from my present day life. Most don't keep in touch or are speaking terms for silly reasons. It's a shame.

Now, it's just my madre and I. We will watch some movies, with a connecting theme, make the most un-Christmas dish you can make, and sit in our pijames all day. It's just what we do. A couple times it's been interrupted, but that was because we were taking care of my other Great Grandmother. We still all stayed in our pijames, watched a movie, and ate dinner... but a more Thanksgiving-esque dinner. My other family is in New Mexico, my tía is always in mind and loved.

I wanted to share my Christmas memories that have been whirling through my mind as of late.

What sort of traditions do you have? Any memories to share? Any non-traditional traditions?

I have a crush on...

My heart pitter patters for these things, it's serious!

I wanted to share my crushes with you all, because my madre taught me to share & they're too fun/pretty/awesome not to share!

Jane Tran makes adorable and beautiful hair pieces. I love her hair pins, they make my I Didn't See Everything Clearly When I Get Dressed This Morning outfits look better. I first saw her stuff in Anthropologie & since browsing her site I'm hooked.

Speaking of Anthropologie, I love browsing their site in general.

ETSY is another site that I've been into. Most likely because I found my new dinner ware on there, but there are millions of other things to browse as well. I've bought handmade belt buckles, handmade dresses, hair accessories, etc. (The only thing you won't catch me buying from there are scarves and other winter accessories. I make those myself... I might be opening up a shop soon!).

Endless is a great place to find shoes, bags, and other accessories. I really like Zappos, but Endless has proven to have a lot more variety and extremely good service. (Partnered with Amazon, so it's all the same log-in information if you plan to order from this site).

I love to cook (and love eating) so here are some great web sites I've been using recipes from as of late:

food52

Lemon Lavender Cake

Cupcakes Take The Cake

I love cupcakes, therefore I LOVE this blog. Plus, it gives me good baking ideas.

Since we're on the subject of cup cakes, this is genius:

Buttercream

I read about her in the City Paper over the summer, but she also had a recent review in Philadelphia Magazine. My madre is still waiting for me to come home with a half dozen cupcakes.

If you love coffee AND German Chocolate cake then you'll love Gevalia's German Chocolate Cake Coffee. It's sooo good! It's literally like drinking a slice of cake, you can taste each ingredient... right down to the coconut!

Unfortunately, this is a seasonal product. I covet mine and only pull it out on occasion.

I've also received the Blueberry Creme, but it has been highly misunderstood. In the coffee maker it develops an ungodly taste of blueberry perfume; however, the French Press proves differently. To each his own, but I gave this stuff away to anyone who'd want it.